So it’s time to prepare for a New Year and though I enjoyed being with family and friends over the holidays, I am ready to embark on the New Year and be done with the entire holiday hubbub. Much money was spent to ensure that no one was forgotten on my ever growing list of people to remember this time of year. (Anyone reading if I missed you, I am sorry, I am sending you my happy holiday cheer thoughts as I type) In addition, to the gifts, the cards that were sent and the donations for various causes, I am happy to say that this chick is done for the year! No more shopping, just relaxing….
My living room is overrun with Thomas the Train toys and items from the movie Cars 2. I feel very blessed this year with my family and friends love and support. Though I lost someone very special from my family this year, she still lives in my heart and will not be forgotten. It’s always hard to lose a loved one this time of year. However, as I look around and remind myself that this madness of toys etc is a reminder of my family and what we have to be thankful for and fills my heart with joy.
Hubby and I don’t spend a lot on each other at the holidays, because we are firm believers that this is the time of year to do for others and make Christmas fun for our little boy. However, he did spoil me with the grand daddy of Keurig’s this year (he gave it to me early), right after my grandmother had passed away (as I was pretty down and out). And can I tell you that I LOVE this coffee maker!! It has made the month of December easier on my life in general. Sad what one appliance can accomplish. I love that no matter how little time I have in the morning, I still always have time to make coffee now. That makes this mama very happy!! (As well as less trips to Starbucks in the morning…easier on the pocket book too)
So what was your favorite thing you received or someone did for you for Christmas that warmed your heart or coffee mug?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I'm Back! -- First topic: My parenting choice
It has been a long time since I have posted to my blog… but I am back and ready to start sorting through life again. The time away has brought so much to my life. I have become a mother (best gift of my life) and keeps on giving each and every day. I graduated with a Bachelors degree in Business Management…something that I have wanted to achieve for a long time, but put on the back burner for who knows what reason. Did this with honors might I add, while also working full time and having a little one! I have had various ups and downs just like anybody else and I continue to grow and learn from my experiences each day. So speaking of becoming a mother, I would like to share a little story that keeps coming up in my mind, especially lately while I am questioning my profession and time away from my son.
What mother doesn’t like being told they are doing a good job raising their child? Who tell me, who doesn’t like to hear that? However, what I don’t care for is when someone gives a back handed compliment for being a working mom, because that, my friends, really gets me going!
I remember when I was about six months pregnant, someone asking me at a baby shower for someone else if I planned on going back to work after my child arrived. In my head I was thinking REALLY you are asking me this now? I still have three months to go, plus maternity leave OH and the fact that I am almost done getting my degree at that point… My quick response was, “I am not putting a whole lot of thought into it right now.” Their response, “You’ll never regret staying home and raising your own children.” Hmmm. Ok- please step down from the soap box for a moment and realize what you are saying to this hormonal woman in front of you. Who by the way would have a whirlwind birth followed by two weeks afterwards that felt like time was standing still…but that is a different story for another time.
Agreed, I enjoyed my time off immensely after all the craziness after birth. However, so much else is implied in that comment that day. And it actually still sits with me now as my child is 3.5 years old. Like my working mom friends are going to regret having the daycare provider raise their kids?? Does the daycare provider get the grocery shopping done on the weekends or weeknights when I am burnt out, all the while with the little person in the basket telling you fun stories? Get up in the middle of the night to reassure them that they are safe when something wakes them? Read to them at night when they can’t sleep; love them every moment that they are not with them? Make their house a home? I don’t think so.
Perhaps we forget as a society that leans so heavily one way or the other on parenting is that no choice is the right one all the way around. It’s about what is right for the family. I’ve known plenty of working mothers that went back to work and became amazing working moms, who were happy, balanced, and attentive with their kids when they got home. That is my focus each and every evening when I pick up my little man. For the record, this mom still has a hard time dropping her child off for daycare. I cry still on days that I would just love to be at home with him. So no, that pain doesn’t go away, however he is learning things there that I can’t teach him at home alone. The social interactions, the friendships with others his age and unique perspectives from others that can help shape him as a person.
What makes me the angriest is the guilt tripping, reminding me of how so many consider working to be the “lesser choice” and how “other people” stay at home? Why would this be a bad choice? Since when is providing for my family, while keeping my home clean, family fed, bills paid, board member at my church, volunteering to make other peoples’ lives better all while being a working mother be a bad choice? Why would we do this to moms who are just trying to make a difference in this world? Who are happy and fulfilled in their work (most of the time), and have spent a lot of time choosing a place for their child to be cared for, not raised?
I firmly believe that quality, not quantity, makes a child and parent relationship. I speak from experience because my own father who raised me worked all of the time to makes ends meet, however when he had downtime it was absolutely NO time for the kids. It was all about him.
My husband works just as much as I do, but the time we spend as a family really matters to him. And he makes it count. I know I’m a better, more patient mom because I appreciate each and every moment I am given to be MOM. I know hubby is a great dad for the same reason.
All I ask is that if you don’t like or agree with another’s choice to work or stay home, ask them why they made it. You may be surprised to hear the valid reasons, struggles, or various passions behind their choice. Then move on and focus on the right choices for what life has handed you and not worry about that pregnant lady and all the choices she will need to make in her future.
For those of you dealing with others who judge your choice, hold your head up high and always remember that what you are doing is right as long as it works for your family. I am proud of the love that my family gives me and the parenting choices that I have made. We are all stronger because of it.
What mother doesn’t like being told they are doing a good job raising their child? Who tell me, who doesn’t like to hear that? However, what I don’t care for is when someone gives a back handed compliment for being a working mom, because that, my friends, really gets me going!
I remember when I was about six months pregnant, someone asking me at a baby shower for someone else if I planned on going back to work after my child arrived. In my head I was thinking REALLY you are asking me this now? I still have three months to go, plus maternity leave OH and the fact that I am almost done getting my degree at that point… My quick response was, “I am not putting a whole lot of thought into it right now.” Their response, “You’ll never regret staying home and raising your own children.” Hmmm. Ok- please step down from the soap box for a moment and realize what you are saying to this hormonal woman in front of you. Who by the way would have a whirlwind birth followed by two weeks afterwards that felt like time was standing still…but that is a different story for another time.
Agreed, I enjoyed my time off immensely after all the craziness after birth. However, so much else is implied in that comment that day. And it actually still sits with me now as my child is 3.5 years old. Like my working mom friends are going to regret having the daycare provider raise their kids?? Does the daycare provider get the grocery shopping done on the weekends or weeknights when I am burnt out, all the while with the little person in the basket telling you fun stories? Get up in the middle of the night to reassure them that they are safe when something wakes them? Read to them at night when they can’t sleep; love them every moment that they are not with them? Make their house a home? I don’t think so.
Perhaps we forget as a society that leans so heavily one way or the other on parenting is that no choice is the right one all the way around. It’s about what is right for the family. I’ve known plenty of working mothers that went back to work and became amazing working moms, who were happy, balanced, and attentive with their kids when they got home. That is my focus each and every evening when I pick up my little man. For the record, this mom still has a hard time dropping her child off for daycare. I cry still on days that I would just love to be at home with him. So no, that pain doesn’t go away, however he is learning things there that I can’t teach him at home alone. The social interactions, the friendships with others his age and unique perspectives from others that can help shape him as a person.
What makes me the angriest is the guilt tripping, reminding me of how so many consider working to be the “lesser choice” and how “other people” stay at home? Why would this be a bad choice? Since when is providing for my family, while keeping my home clean, family fed, bills paid, board member at my church, volunteering to make other peoples’ lives better all while being a working mother be a bad choice? Why would we do this to moms who are just trying to make a difference in this world? Who are happy and fulfilled in their work (most of the time), and have spent a lot of time choosing a place for their child to be cared for, not raised?
I firmly believe that quality, not quantity, makes a child and parent relationship. I speak from experience because my own father who raised me worked all of the time to makes ends meet, however when he had downtime it was absolutely NO time for the kids. It was all about him.
My husband works just as much as I do, but the time we spend as a family really matters to him. And he makes it count. I know I’m a better, more patient mom because I appreciate each and every moment I am given to be MOM. I know hubby is a great dad for the same reason.
All I ask is that if you don’t like or agree with another’s choice to work or stay home, ask them why they made it. You may be surprised to hear the valid reasons, struggles, or various passions behind their choice. Then move on and focus on the right choices for what life has handed you and not worry about that pregnant lady and all the choices she will need to make in her future.
For those of you dealing with others who judge your choice, hold your head up high and always remember that what you are doing is right as long as it works for your family. I am proud of the love that my family gives me and the parenting choices that I have made. We are all stronger because of it.
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